1140-disrupt-truth-and-cliches.imgcache.rev0f0ffd5aa6721febae57ead93c524860A dear friend thought it would be clever to share comical insight into the aging process as women in their fifties experience it.  I was sworn to secrecy, one of those swearing-ins that threatens your well-being.  It went something like this, “If you mention my name on that blog about aging I’m going to have to kill you”. I am not scared; however, I will not be mentioning any names or sharing who is experiencing what.  Of course, she was kidding! We wouldn’t want to alarm the authorities.

I’m a baby boomer, born 1963, came of age in the 80’s.  My mother had this thought process, grown folk’s business was just that, grown folk’s business and it was not to be shared with the likes of children.  When I attempted to get an ear full if she was aware, shortly thereafter I would receive the side eye.  If that hint was not received the next course of action was a pop, better known as the back-handed pop in the mouth.  Ergo the busted lip.  Don’t get it confused with abuse, not a busted lip where I needed emergency care but busted enough for me to get out of grown folk’s business.

In staying out of grown folk’s business I missed out on some golden nuggets.   Golden nuggets that I intend to share with the future middle-aged women, my dearly beloved millennials.  I say dearly beloved as I truly believe every woman over fifty needs a millennial in their life and vice-versa.  You will feed each other.  They will keep you up to date and you will remind them they still have a ways to go.

I’m sure each of us forgets.  As we age we forget more frequently, compounded by the loss of basic control.  As we enter into our forties we start to notice trivial things but nothing too alarming.    You may lose your keys once in a while only to find them in the refrigerator.  You contribute that to the kids or the significant other distracting you. If neither of those distractions is present you’ll blame it on work stress.

In our fifties, we see more noticeable and somewhat alarming issues.  Such as the inability to hold our bladder. The simplest things such as coughing, or laughing will cause you to lose control next thing you know you are stuck in the dampness.  Oh and don’t try to squat nothing runs straight after 50. You must sit unless of course, you want your entire leg and clothes soaking wet.

There are other things that you will lose control of such as your memory. I’m talking short-term memory.  Yes, long-term will diminish, however, you have a little more time before that starts to fade.  The short-term memory is the funny one.  You will eventually spend time looking vigorously for your cell phone thinking you left it somewhere only to discover ten minutes later you are talking on the phone hence the reason it’s nowhere to be found.

Next up on the over fifty excitement is sleep deprivation.  No longer will you sleep straight through the night.  Most of my friends do the “COVER HUSTLE”.  The “COVER HUSTLE” is this dance you do with your covers every forty to sixty minutes.  This hustle is a necessary evil. Without the “COVER HUSTLE” you might combust from being overheated.  Better known as hot flashes.

The last golden nugget is all about the body.  All of your body parts will forget where their home is.  Your breasts along with your buttocks will slowly but surely relocate without permission.   Your skin may at some point seem a little different.  What used to be very taut is not. These changes do not appear to be gradual they seem to present themselves as an overnight event. Brace yourself this event can throw you for a loop, but only if you allow it.

Aging is inevitable be prepared, don’t take yourself too seriously, and take time out to laugh at the changes. Enjoy the moments and stay in the game as long as you can. The alternative to not aging is death.

These little golden nuggets are based on real stories from women I have spoken to.  I’m not mentioning any names.  All of the women are successful, healthy,  in great shape and all of their marbles are present and accounted for.


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