The media and society will have you believe casual meaningless sex is no big deal. It’s just sex. There are some men and women that will try to make you believe it’s just sex. I’m here to tell you it’s not just sex, at least not for me, the women in my circle, or many women I’ve spoken to outside my circle.
For most women, not all, but most, sex is not and never was just sex. Sex is an extension of your heart, mind, body, and soul. The act of sex is an intimate connection you have with the one you really like, love or the one who you want to really like or love you. You can deny if you choose however once you dwindle down to the truth you will see the above is true for most women. Women are emotional creatures.
Each time you give yourself to another a small piece of your heart is given to that person. Over time your heart is in little pieces and spread all over. When you are ready to settle down and commit you are merely working with a piece of your heart. You need your whole heart to have a successful committed relationship. Now the challenge begins to get all those little pieces back so you have a whole heart to work with. Be mindful of who you give your pieces to, some are not so willing to return your pieces. There is work in getting those pieces back. Trust and believe!
Of course, there will be hundreds of women who will say, I can have mindless causal sex it’s no big deal, it’s just sex there is no intimate connection. These are the same women who will wind up having difficulty trusting or solidifying a committed relationship. These trust issues present themselves on many levels such as; jealousy, negative impression of men, depression, low self-esteem, lack of commitment, emotionally inept, selfish and lack of empathy.
There is another side of this equation which shows there is little or no harm in having casual meaningless sex. Take a look at this Psychology Today article. Here you will see research that supports my thought process and research that supports the no big deal thought process.
Regardless which side of the casual sex issue you stand on, big deal or no big deal your sex life should be what you want, nothing should be forced or feel inappropriate. Your sex life should be what truly makes you happy and is in line with your personal standards, morals, and principles.
A couple of weeks ago Love Talk Podcast had the opportunity to speak with Sexologist, Dr. Nazanin Moali. She had great insight regarding sex and the act of sex. We talked all things sex, from when to talk to your children about sex, how to make sure your partner please you and we concluded with good girls can have goods sex too.
Sex is everywhere and of late it seems to be a problem. The problem is not new. What’s new is social media and people are talking more. I think those that have been abused are fed up and are speaking out. This week’s Love Talk Podcast we talked about sex abuse and sexual harassment. We provided some ways to combat and seek help if you find yourself caught in a situation.
We as a people need to do better so we can have a positive change. A change that will not allow sexual abusers to be so brazen and so comfortable as sex abusers. We need to do the work it takes to make sure the #metoo campaign does increase its membership. Since the beginning of time, we have taught our girls to be good girls, be nice, don’t wear this, don’t wear that, show less skin, dress less provocative etc… How about if we start teaching our boys to be good boys, be nice, respect girls, no means no, don’t touch, don’t be aggressive, her body is not your playground, respect her, rape is not cool and abuse is bad. Change the culture of what is acceptable. Do your part!
“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”
(Frederick Douglass, 1817-1895)
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TRACI J. HINDS 