IN BETWEEN TWO LIVES

This thing called life is not easy. At times it’s a bit complicated. One never really knows where their life will go or where one will be as time progresses. Never in my life did I think that I would be living in Palm Bay, FL removed from all of my friends and my children caring for my father. In advance of this transformation, l believed the transformation would have been much easier. I am not ashamed to admit this adjustment is very difficult. Taking care of an ailing parent with dementia and other ailments is stressful, painful, tiresome, sad, overwhelming, and necessary.

As I sit back and assess my situation I think if I had to do this all over again, I would have moved differently. I would have brought my dad into my life instead of me to his. The old saying hindsight is twenty-twenty is so very true. The good news is as time moves on I am becoming more and more thankful. Thankful that my dad is alive. Thankful he still remembers me. Thankful we have this time together. Thankful he has a great disposition. Thankful he is not cantankerous. Thankful he is fairly healthy and can still walk, dress and do other important tasks. Thankful this is not a financial drain. Thankful I found a wonderful person to help me provide care. Thankful for my California friend, as I used to refer to her. She has moved to Atlanta so now she is my ATL friend. She acts as my therapist when I’m in need and I to her when she is in need. So very thankful for our friendship and conversations.

In all of this thankfulness, I still struggle. My struggle is centered around losing my life, not literally but a life nonetheless. As you take care of a parent their life becomes yours and you lose yourself and the things you love and want to do. No outing happens without proper strategic planning. Saturdays I want to sleep in but that is not possible as breakfast must be prepared and medication must be given on schedule. Often it feels like no rest for the weary. I am weary sometimes.

The daughter who is very independent and the daughter who is a caregiver for her ailing father struggles from time to time. The balance between these two lives is no easy task. There was a time I felt all alone. Through research and reading I now know there are others out there that have the same struggles and get stuck. Although at times I feel stuck and defeated I don’t stay stuck so that puts me ahead of the struggle.

Not every negative thing is truly negative. I think we get confused. Reality is just that reality. Sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s not so good but that does not make it negative. My advice is to push through and push hard. Whenever possible take time for yourself be it 10 minutes or 2 hours figure out how to take time for yourself in between the two lives and in between the good and the not so good.

♥