Singleness

emoo.014Singleness has been on my mind for some time, specifically the singleness of women. Several years ago it was expected that all women would marry, have children, and become a homemaker. College was not necessary but a plus in order to meet and secure a husband of substance. Years ago society viewed single women in the childbearing years that were not married as; old maids, barren, unattractive, or undesirable. Those views infiltrated the minds of many single women which set off an alarm.  That so familiar biological clock, ticktock, ticktock, ticktock.  It seemed women were on a mission to marry any man and bear children to stop the sound of the biological clock and remove the negative views that had infiltrated their minds. These negative views were passed down from generation to generation and are affecting many women today who are attempting to have a successful dating life. 

It is clear to me there is confusion when defining dating.  Allow me to define. Datinga stage of romantic relationships in humans whereby two people meet socially with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a prospective partner in an intimate relationship or marriage. 

Men and women see dating differently.  The men I’ve spoken to have a clear understanding when defining dating. Their expectations are completely different from women.  Men are not committed to any one person while in their dating life.  Men tend to date multiple people to determine who is a good match.  Men understand a date is just that, a date. Women on the other hand view dating on a completely different level.  Women see dating as interviewing a prospective husband.  There may be a little exaggeration here, however; for the most part, women who are dating are looking for that man, the one, the soul mate, the one who will free them from the single life they have been confined to for far too long.   

 A woman’s goal in life should not be to succeed at getting married.  Marriage is not an achievement it’s just something that happens when two people are in the same place mentally at the same time and want the same thing. Complimented with chemistry, connection, love and the desire to commit.  If you happen to find someone you love, love them enjoy the moments.  If marriage is meant to be it will be. 

I say enjoy your dating life. Dating should be fun. It’s an opportunity to meet as many people as possible to see who you connect with. Every date is not going to be the one; however, he may be the one who will lead you to the one or might just turn out to be your best friend.  Dating more than one person at a time is not unladylike or a sign of a loose woman. Dating multiple people does not mean you are having sex with each man you date. Quite frankly I do not think you should. Sex tends to complicate things. Remember dating is just that a date.  It is not a commitment for a lifetime together. 

Society has changed its view on singleness. There is no shame in being single. Singleness is not a condition or a disease.  The unmarried population has grown over the years.  Being single or unmarried no longer holds a negative undertone. To be clear you are single until you are married.  Be happy with the person you are regardless if you are married, single, divorced, or widowed. Life is too short to focus on what you don’t have.  Better to focus on what you have and appreciate every day. 

Choose happiness! 

2 Replies to “Singleness”

  1. Thanks for this perspective! I agree that on some level women should relax. But at the same time, men could take things more seriously. In a nutshell men and women need to get on the same page. Dating gets so messy because like you stated we have different mindsets. And clearly there isn’t enough communication. One thing I do want to challenge ( for lack of a better word ) is where you said it shouldn’t be a woman’s goal in life to get married. Well I know it’s not a popular view I have to disagree . It shouldn’t be her ONLY goal but I believe in marriage and unfortunately I think there is such a high rate of divorce and negativity with in marriages because people do not plan for getting married like they do for other aspects of their lives . I say this judging from personal experience and observation . Marriage should not be planned for any less than education or careers. Most women do more planning for their wedding day then there actual marriage. I’m going to stop here because I could go on and on (lol!) I enjoyed reading this blog post thank you and keep up the good work !

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    1. Thank you for your comment. I believe in marriage as well. Yes women should relax for sure. I can agree, marriage shouldn’t be her only goal. I think people focus on the wrong thing. Focus should be more on personal growth. If marriage is for you it will be for you. Not everyone will get married, some will remain single. Learn to love your singleness.

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